WHAT am I actually doing?!

I don't want to harp on my crazy schedule, ya'll, but since that's my life now, that's all I've got. So. Sorry.

This week has been hard. Yes, I know, it's only Tuesday. But I thought for sure I would have a routine down and I could manage juggling everything I've got going on. Well, none of that has happened and I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water, at best, most days. Honestly, I'm OVER winging it each day. I know I have a lot of variables and moving parts, but each day is SO different and I need to get a better handle on it. I am pulled in several directions regularly and by the end of the day, I'm exhausted!

On more than one occasion, I've thought, "I have SO much to do and I have a hard time prioritizing my list, so ... I think I'll just go to sleep." Don't act like you don't feel like that sometimes! I would definitely be lying if I said I never wondered why I left my job for this craziness.

Today, Silas needed more attention than usual. Generally I can put him on the floor and let him play and move all over. He's really only upset if he is hungry, needs a diaper change or, because he is on the move, gets stuck in a tight spot he can't maneuver.

ANYWAY- Silas needed to sleep but was putting up quite a fight. So, we snuggled and sang and looked out the front window to watch cars and neighbors passing by. At that moment, looking at his sweet face with his chunky, dimpled hand wrapped around one of my fingers, I knew why I am where I am and why I made the decisions I've made. I know that THIS KID is my motivation and my "why" for almost all the craziness that's happening right now. This tiny human has changed my world, my husband's world and both our priorities forever.

So yes, I get frustrated that I have days that I never actually change out of my pajamas. That I couldn't squeeze in the housework, job -work, and workout all in a day. That we're having leftovers for dinner... again. That my house is in disarray 98% of the time.

But this is what's best for my husband and son. All that other stuff is secondary and totally worth it. It will eventually fall into place and I'll develop a rhythm. It. Will. Happen. My son's sense of security, health and happiness is already apparent and THAT is everything .

A Full Plate Equals a Full Heart, Right? RIGHT?

So when I left my job, I knew life would be a little crazy working to maintain the same income I was bringing to my family. There are several goals that my husband and I have for our family this year, but there are also some goals that I have for MYSELF.

It's important to me that I'm always contributing financially to my family in some way. I stay at home with my little man, but that can so often be viewed as JUST a stay at home mom.  I'm working to combat that stigma and bring in some moolah for my family.

I want to have something in my life that's mine; something that I do to better myself. Not because I'm a mom or a wife or the daycare lady or working to build someone else's business. THOSE ARE ALL GREAT THINGS. Honestly, helping is what I do best and in all those roles, I help a LOT. It's high time I help myself.

My husband and I have some REALISTICALLY AMBITIOUS goals of erasing our debt and we're tackling it pretty hard this year already. I'm sick of the debt we have and even more frustrated that we can't do more FUN things with our money. We want to travel, update our house a bit (Pinterest is going to be the death of me), and invest our money wisely and make some smart decisions towards our future.


In addition to my other current endeavors, I'm revisiting my life as a Beachbody coach. I've actually been a coach since 2013 but I've never fully, 100% committed to this goal. Something else has always gotten in the way and excuses are easy to make. I've since become a mother and turned 30 years old. These are two things that, as a woman, can lead to some seriously low self esteem about body image. I don't want to spend my 30s feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I want to be happy in my skin and that'll lead to an even more solid relationship with my husband, happier relationships with friends and high self esteem to show my son that there are women that are truly happy with their bodies and embrace their "flaws."

So look for posts from me about WORK about bettering your life.

+ Working for Thrivent Financial, bettering your financial situation.
+ Working for Iowa Doula Agency, bettering the birth process (and beyond) for women of Central Iowa (seriously ladies, look into this.)
+ Working for Team Lacina, working to build future leaders and strong boys (the MOST important).
+ Working to better my body, self-esteem and personal relationships by working with Beachbody. And if you get a chance, like my Facebook page....click HERE and hit LIKE to join the journey.

Hang on to your hats, friends, 2016 is going to be a busy but wonderful year. I will have a lot going on on social media, but don't unfriend me...it's all to better YOU! <3

Life Lessons Learned From My 7 Month Old.

Having a baby is so humbling, y'all. I'm reminded daily that I'm merely a temporary caretaker of this little human and sometimes I feel incredibly inadequate.

I've turned my life upside down for someone that can't even talk. There are days I wonder why. I wonder why I gave up stability and daily adult interaction for a life of diapers and periodic crying for no reason. But then I watch this little man learn and grow and it's so obvious to me why God led me down this path.

This boy teaches me something every day.

To take the time to watch an infant play every day is a gift, one that many overlook as the "unimportant" time in a child's life, boring even. Pay attention, folks. The things your child will teach you even as an infant are incredible. At the same time these things are both simple and complex.

My son is seven months old already. (When did THAT happen!?) Army crawling and scooting all over the place. ALL. OVER....and getting into everything. So, the first thing he teaches me is DETERMINATION.

Have you ever looked at a baby's face when he's dead set on getting to something? My son clenches his jaw, fixes his eyes on his goal and GOES. This determined expression is so intense and nothing will get in his way of getting to whatever-it-is (at this point, usually electrical cords). Can you even imagine going towards your goal in this way as an adult? Can you imagine how much you could accomplish with that level of perseverance? Take note, world, Silas is on a mission.

The second thing this little man teaches me is how to OVERCOME OBSTACLES. Piggybacking on determination, this kiddo sees an obstacle and tackles it. He wants a toy on the other side of Mommy's legs? He's just going to crawl right over my legs, rather than going around them. We haven't officially baby-proofed our house, but we do put up obstacles to keep him relatively corralled in the living room. Does he accept those barriers as law? NO! He has now started crawling through our end tables to get to where he wants to go.

The third life lesson I've learned from my infant son is that attitude is absolutely everything. He wakes up smiling as if he decides before he even gets out of bed that he's going to have a good day. He accidentally bangs his head into a wall because he's not looking where he's going when he's crawling and laughs it off. His attitude inspires me daily.

Finally, he reminds me daily that little acts of love go a long way. This little nugget is learning to be so loving and he can hug and kiss now (well, sort of. It's more of an open mouth resting on your face). But I'm telling you, one hug, kiss, smile or snuggle can go a long way and completely make my day. It really is the little things.


Pay attention to your little ones and the ones around you. When you think you are the one that's supposed to teach them everything, they have some of the purest and most amazing things to teach you. I've turned my life upside down for someone that can't even talk and it's the best decision I have ever made.

Getting It All Together (and why I share so much on Facebook)

The last few weeks have been both a blur and a constant whirlwind of paying attention to detail. I've been trying to get my ducks in a row with a routine, my new normal, for my three jobs. I also post on Facebook several times daily and perhaps some of you don't really know why I'm posting some of the things I do. Well, here are my reasons...

JOB 1: I am a full time mama AND a watch another little one full time during the week. This is my favorite job and easily the most important one. I get to wake up each day, snuggle my sweet babe and make breakfast. Mornings are my favorite part of every day. I have these two little boys in my home that snuggle and coo and smile up at me all day.

It's true I don't wear make up and my hair is a mess most days. The boys aren't ALWAYS smiley and perfect and sometimes I discover body fluid on me and I have no idea whose it is or how long it's been there. But, I can rock some spit up "shoulder pads," survive a day on little sleep (and I'm still proudly not a coffee drinker), and my house is more in order than it's been probably ever. I have more motivation now than ever and it's a fantastic feeling. This is reason #1 I post on Facebook. I'm so proud of my son and really, my choice to be home with him.

JOB 2: So when I left my job, one of the reps jumped on the opportunity to hire me as a quarter time admin person for him. The perks are that I get to work from home and it's only about 10 hours a week for now. Thrivent helps their members to live generously and be wise with money and there are SO many great reasons to be a member. Part of the job is to post on social media for him, so that's reason #2 I post on Facebook. I am happy to support a company that has such outstanding benefits for it's members.

JOB 3: My oldest friend has always had a passion for birth, for literally as long as I've known her. She's now a doula and began the Iowa Doula Agency last year. When I was expecting Silas, Randy and I took a few birth education classes and realized that we wanted a doula during our labor and delivery process. I was lucky to have my husband AND my oldest friend in the room to welcome Silas into the world with me. To be frank, doulas are amazing and it was the best thing we did for ourselves during the whole process. Anyway, Andrea asked if I'd be interested in being her Operations Manager, so here I am! It's also mostly from home and involves a lot of social media, so that's reason #3 I post on Facebook. I'm passionate about moms having the best birth experience they can, and I believe doulas are a part of that. 

My intention was to be home with my son, but my fear was to give up life in the working world. God led me to these other two jobs and I'm SO happy it's working out the way it is. I still have a ways to go with getting a routine in place, but the best I can do is take it day by day and do a little better each day. My Facebook posts are intentional and not just to toot my friends' horns. These are GREAT organizations to be involved with and I'm happy to spread the word!

Business to Busyness

OH man. The last few weeks have been an absolute whirlwind of busyness.
My life is completely different than it was a month ago and finding my stride and routine continues to be a work in progress.

So-- I quit my job. My steady, full time, full benefits office job. I quit rushing around in the morning to get Silas ready for daycare and me presentable for work. I quit commuting. I quit meetings and conference calls and fixing the copy machine.

I traded it for a 24/7, nonstop career of giggles and crying, snuggles and diapers, smiles and snot. The first week was spent completely in sweats and no make-up. I celebrated my new role and mourned the loss of my old one at the same time. After the first week, I decided I needed to maintain some sort of structure. If I'm going to juggle as much as I plan, I need to treat my life more like a business.

So Monday I woke up, put in my contacts and put on jeans. YES, structured pants were a good start. I made a two-item to do list:
- make a tax appointment
- do all the laundry


But, because my house was filled with babies that needed attention, only one load of laundry was done on Monday and I didn't get around to emailing the accountant until Thursday. This is another week, right? I can start fresh again? I can totally do this and a two item to do list should not be difficult to accomplish each day. I've got this.


I have to have some faith in this process. Change is hard and a huge shift in routine is a difficult adjustment for me. But, I'm telling you right now that God is already showing Himself in my life.

My sister is staying with us for a few weeks with her four sweet kiddos. While there are some really crazy moments, I am so thankful she's here. I've relied on her for guidance and advice and there is absolutely no woman on Earth more patient than my little sister. She's leading by example as a mother and a time manager and God's timing is perfect with her being here.

Of course, my main support in all this my husband. This man is always, and I mean ALWAYS ready and willing to help. He works hard at work, in school and as a husband and father. He jumps right in for everything, with our sweet son and with our niece and nephews. Knowing that not all husbands and fathers are as involved, I count my blessings knowing that I can always rely on this man to be my balance, sounding board and peacekeeper.

So as I prepare for the upcoming week, I am eager to start establishing a routine of time management, get my home office in order, and keep working on those pesky day to day chores like laundry. My work life balance is changing for the better and we are redefining "normal" for our family. Life is crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way right now.

BIG changes.

I haven't blogged in what seems like forever. Consistency clearly isn't my thing, y'all. Almost every ambitious goal I made publicly on this blog for my 30th birthday crashed and burned.

But, they crashed for a great reason. At this time last year, I was almost through my first trimester of my pregnancy with my first baby. In July, we welcomed our son, Silas, into the world. With a new baby comes a new way of thinking, a new way of communicating and a completely new way of life. For our house, it also means some big changes in our work lives.

After nearly three years at my job (at the best company in the world), I've decided to leave. The decision hasn't been easy... big decisions rarely are. Of course, I didn't just wake up one day and decide to stay home with Silas. There were several other factors contributing to it, but at the end of the day, I'm replaceable at work and I'm not replaceable to my sweet boy. That's the bottom line.

In the wake of this decision that I began to make over a year ago when a few things changed at work, I was scared to death. How would we make ends meet? What if I have to go back to work and I have this gaping hole in my resume and no one will want to hire me? Would I lose my identity and "just be a mom" or become some frumpy dump shadow of the productive, bubbly person I one was? I can't tell you the tears I cried over leaving this company.

The people in my company are wonderful. The people in my office specifically are truly amazing. Mostly men, they have taken me under their wings and shown me how real Christian men live their lives. They have seen me become a wife and mother. They grieved with me as I lost two grandparents. These men became my brothers, uncles and surrogate fathers. Coming from a hostile work environment before this, I can recognize how rare this company is. A true gem. Finding that at any time again in the future will be impossible. As I broke the news to the people in my office, ALL of them were supportive and understanding. They will miss me, but they get it. They see the value in supporting family goals over professional ones. These people are really the cream of the crop.

BUT-- my son is my responsibility. He's my ultimate work and it's my job (and my husband's, of course) to make sure he grows up to love God, to be respectful, to have manners and to listen and obey. I can't wait to be his momma all the time. I don't have to rush around in the morning to get both of us ready, brave whatever stupid Iowa weather is awaiting us, deal with morning traffic and drop him at daycare. Then deal with rush hour traffic on the way home, pick him up and then get MAYBE an hour with him before he goes to bed. I'm ready for all of that to be done.

So now you ask, what will I be doing? Well let me tell ya, GOD PROVIDES. As decisions were being made and I slowly started to tell my friends and family, I explained my trepidation to a few of them. To be clear, I actually couldn't tell some people that I was leaving without crying, so it was obvious how scared I was about the move. Sure about it, but scared to death. (Note: It's EXACTLY how I felt when I moved to North Carolina when I was 24. Except I was 24, single, childless and could fit my life into a Kia Spectra. This time was a little different). Anyway, a few friends have entrusted me to help with their businesses. I'll be working two part time jobs in addition to being home with Silas and a friend's baby. I am SO HUMBLED by the path God has led us down as a result of leaving work!

I don't want to be viewed as "just a stay at home mom." I want purpose. I want people to view me doing something worthwhile. In fact, the stigma is already showing. Several people, when they ask with excitement what my next step is, totally check out when I tell them I'll be working from home with Silas. Their eyes glaze over. They ask no clarifying questions because it's not interesting; no one cares. If I were leaving to go to another company, it would be, "what will you be doing?" or, "tell me more about it!" In this situation, they assume I'll be watching awful daytime TV in yoga pants covered in spit up. And you know what? That's okay. Let 'em think that.

I don't know that any of this will work. I don't know that I'll love being home every day. Really, who loves EVERY day of their job? No one. But, my family will be in a great place as a family. I can follow some dreams I've had for some time and work to make them a reality. If at the end of the day it doesn't work, then at least I will have tried. As it turns out, I HAVE purpose and my work is MORE than worthwhile.

Generosity at it's finest

I posted a few weeks ago about appropriate things to say to pregnant women. It's a good one. Read, share, learn it. Knowledge is power, y'all.

Anyway, in that post, I talked about how people can be kind of inappropriate without realizing it because they are EXCITED for your baby and this big change in your life. I realized today that I have some pretty fantastic people that have shown their excitement in a wonderful, normal and APPROPRIATE way.

They give us things.

That sounds greedy, but when you have your first baby, the vast expanse of choices can be OVERWHELMING. Just looking at something as simple as diaper bags can take you forever. At least, much longer than your pre-expecting self thought you'd ever mull over a diaper bag purchase. When I started sharing news of our bundle of joy, a new overwhelming feeling took over. I was overwhelmed with people volunteering their product knowledge and actual baby things with us.

- My sister offered up her crib. Her boys are 11, 10 and 8 now, so she has no use for it.
- A co-worker and his wife are selling us a breast pump and giving us a bouncer and a bumbo seat.
- A great friend gave me several sacks of maternity clothes in my hour of need. Seriously... it's like I have a whole new wardrobe with the pieces she offered.

People are thrilled to get rid of their gently used baby things Usually, they are done growing their family and have these extra items laying around. They want to see someone get some use out of it! Luckily for us, we are on the "old" end of the spectrum in the Midwest for beginning a family, so many of our friends have children already or are completely done having children. (There IS a bright side to waiting to have a baby, friends! --actually there are many, but that's a different post for another day) That's how they are showing their excitement and love and for that, I am forever grateful. There's enough happening in life right now just growin' this little person that they've taken some guess work out of a lot of decisions. They've saved us money. They've saved us stress and research.

THANK YOU to you all! And if you're pregnant and friends are giving you love in the same way, pay it forward when you're finished!