WHAT am I actually doing?!

I don't want to harp on my crazy schedule, ya'll, but since that's my life now, that's all I've got. So. Sorry.

This week has been hard. Yes, I know, it's only Tuesday. But I thought for sure I would have a routine down and I could manage juggling everything I've got going on. Well, none of that has happened and I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water, at best, most days. Honestly, I'm OVER winging it each day. I know I have a lot of variables and moving parts, but each day is SO different and I need to get a better handle on it. I am pulled in several directions regularly and by the end of the day, I'm exhausted!

On more than one occasion, I've thought, "I have SO much to do and I have a hard time prioritizing my list, so ... I think I'll just go to sleep." Don't act like you don't feel like that sometimes! I would definitely be lying if I said I never wondered why I left my job for this craziness.

Today, Silas needed more attention than usual. Generally I can put him on the floor and let him play and move all over. He's really only upset if he is hungry, needs a diaper change or, because he is on the move, gets stuck in a tight spot he can't maneuver.

ANYWAY- Silas needed to sleep but was putting up quite a fight. So, we snuggled and sang and looked out the front window to watch cars and neighbors passing by. At that moment, looking at his sweet face with his chunky, dimpled hand wrapped around one of my fingers, I knew why I am where I am and why I made the decisions I've made. I know that THIS KID is my motivation and my "why" for almost all the craziness that's happening right now. This tiny human has changed my world, my husband's world and both our priorities forever.

So yes, I get frustrated that I have days that I never actually change out of my pajamas. That I couldn't squeeze in the housework, job -work, and workout all in a day. That we're having leftovers for dinner... again. That my house is in disarray 98% of the time.

But this is what's best for my husband and son. All that other stuff is secondary and totally worth it. It will eventually fall into place and I'll develop a rhythm. It. Will. Happen. My son's sense of security, health and happiness is already apparent and THAT is everything .